Step Five: Getting Over It

“Well come on,” Hailey says as she pulls me out of the bedroom and into the living room, “it’s time to mourn.”

She turns on the TV to some random show, the voices blending with ours as we talked. We completely avoid the glowing screen as we talk through mouths full of candy.

After a few minutes, hands already sticky and tongues a brownish color from the artificially coloring, I got up and ran, powered by the sugar, into the kitchen. I open the refrigerator and take out the wine and then rummage through the freezer for the tubs of ice cream.

I take all the ice cream in my arms and take to the living room. Not before balancing the ice cream that I was holding in one arm on my knee and reaching into the drawer I grasp hold of cool metal. Spoons.

I take then in my hand and run, still hyper from the candy back into the living room. Everything seemed to be moving faster, like my life was a movie and someone had just pressed fast forward.

I dumped the Ice cream on the coffee table, along with the spoons and then go back into the kitchen. I take the wine, which I left on the counter and, stupidly, try and pull out the cork with my bare hands. After many sugar fuelled tries I gave up and found the bottle opener.

I screw it in and pull with all the strength my scrawny arms contained. Then the cork pops off. I toss the opener and cork onto the counter and rush back into my living room. I toss myself onto the couch and take a large sip of wine. I take the bottle from my lips and offer it to Hailey.

“No thanks, I’m good.”

I take another sip and I feel the alcohol work its magic and the energy the candy gave me was gone and I slowly began to relax.

I reach for a hand full of gummy worms when Hailey breaks the silence.

“So Peyton… who was this guy anyway?” She asked through heaping spoonfuls of rocky road ice cream.

“Don’t you remember Jordan?” I ask, I swallow the candy letting the artificial sour taste burn my tongue and throat.

She shakes her head, hair from her loose bun cascading around her face, as rocky road ice cream drips from the sides of her mouth.

“You met him before we started going out. When you took me out to that club, to help me get over…um… Martin… no—Marc… no…. Matt—yes Matt!”

Sometimes it was so hard to keep all these names straight in my head. If I had a dollar for every boyfriend whose name I mixed up with an old boyfriends I could retire.

“The guy that you left with!?” She exclaimed, she was in such a state of shock that she dropped her spoon in the tub of melting ice cream. The impact of the spoon sent some of the ice cream flying onto her face. “I thought he was just a fling! You know that bad things happen when you try and have a relationship with a fling!”

“I know I said that Hailey, but he wasn’t. After we left he took me to this little diner. We ordered coffee and we sat and talked for hours. He was so sweet to me; I just had to go out with him.” I said with a sigh as I think about out time together. More tears begin to form in my eyes now that I know that I will never have a moment like that again.

I picked up the wine bottle again and began to drink, hoping that the alcohol would stop the tears. I suddenly felt so hopeless, so alone. My heart was empty and I felt like no one could fill the void of my many heartbreaks. Then I felt Hailey’s hand on my shoulder. It felt like at that moment she had read my mine. I looked at her and our eyes locked.

“Everything’s gonna be okay Peyton. I promise.” Right then and there I knew that Hailey was the greatest friend a girl like me could ask for. She was so good and so amazing, I felt like I was her daughter and she was my mother, but in reality she was just a great person, and an even better friend. I trusted her and I knew that everything really was going to work out.

I didn’t need the seriousness of this moment anymore; I knew I was safe, protected; now it was time to have fun. I reached into a bowl and coiled my fingers around the candy, M&M’s; I picked up the chocolate and threw them at Hailey. At that moment the two of us burst out laughing. I was too busy clutching my sides to notice her retaliation when she threw gummy worms at me.

In a fit of laughter we both race to either side of my couch, the tension disappearing from the room. We each grab handfuls of candy left and right dodging whatever we could. Thorough out the fight our laughter never ceased. We were having too much of a good time to notice the mess we had made.

Exhausted Hailey and I flopped down onto the couch, both of us admitting defeat. We laid there in silence, catching our breath and then I examined the apartment. There was sugar and candy cascaded over the floor, there were crushed M&M’s everywhere and gummy candy squished, by our feet, onto the hard wood floor. There was even some sort of chocolate on the ceiling.

If that wasn’t messy enough the whole apartment was covered in a thin layer of sugar. Suddenly the room became silent, even the TV had shut itself off. Hailey and I examined the mess and then broke out into yet another fit of laughter. We laughed and laughed until oddly enough, Hailey began to cry.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, the hilarity of the situation escaping my mind. The only thing on my mind was the concern I had for my friend.

“I don’t…know…its just….so…so,” she chokes out, between laughs.

“So what, so what!?” I asked, worried that something really could be wrong.

“Funny!” She spat out through more laughter.

Flashback

Hailey leaves me in the car and runs into her apartment .I let my mind wander to Devon, my first love. We dated back in high school for almost two years. I think of all the good times and the time that he broke my heart.

I think of the day he asked me out. The 15^th of December. I had just broken up with my very first real boyfriend. This was sophomore year, and I wasn’t very popular. Devon was my age, I met him through some afterschool activities. He would openly flirt with me and I would text him more then I would text my boyfriend at the time. So that day I broke up with my boyfriend in hopes that Devon would ask me out, a few hours later he did.

Eleven days later he told me that he loved me, and I realized that I loved him back. We were so happy for a while but then problems struck. A friend of mine had planted the idea in my head that Devon had feelings for Hailey. I confronted him about it and he told me that he didn’t but within a few days I heard a rumor that the two of them had hooked up before we started dating. I confronted Devon about that ad he told me that was untrue but that lead to weeks of trust issues. Not that I didn’t trust him, he didn’t trust that I trusted him.

We were always second guessing thing until one day he just stopped talking to me. The next day at school I confronted him and confessed my love and told him that I would do whatever it took to make things right. That led to months of being treated like a slave. Doing whatever Devon asked, going to where ever Devon wanted me to go, soon I had barley any friends because of Devon, but I still loved him.

He would always tell me I was beautiful and how happy I made him; and that made everything worthwhile. Our dates were always fun, even if we were doing something I hated Devon would always make up for it with a hot make-out session. I was happy, yet I wasn’t, when I was living for only one person, and that person was not I, I wasn’t truly living. That’s what the heartbreak Devon caused taught me.

Step Three: Mourning Preparatios

Hailey giggles as she jumps out of the car, “come on girl… let’s go!” I look out the window in the direction Hailey is running, were at a grocery store. She motions for me to follow her, I jump out of the car and run to her.

“Hail?” I ask running towards her.

“Don’t ask, come on.” She grabs me by the wrist and drags me into the store. She grabs a basket and runs to the freezer section, I follow her as fast as I can. She skids to a stop in front of the ice cream section. I run up behind her and she grabs a pint of chocolate ice cream.

“Hailey… what?” I ask as she grabs a pint of rocky road ice cream.

“Just a little morning, the best way to get over a guy!” She says as she grabs another pint of ice cream, this time cookie dough and tosses it in the basket along with the others.

“Well if we’re going to mourn, then were going to need a little of this too!” I lay my hands on a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream and throw it into the basket. I look up at Hailey and we both stop laughing, the few people walking by us give us strange looks which makes us laugh even more. Once we stop our eyes meet and a mischievous grin crosses her face and I knew we were thinking the same thing.

“CANDY!” We say simultaneously. I grab onto the basket handle and Hailey and I race through the store to the candy isle. We each grab one of every type of candy; sweet, salty, sour, anything that caught our eye. Next we raided the rest of the store; we got icing, sprinkles, whipped cream, cookie dough, and a bottle of wine. We run to the checkout counter, laughing. The man scanning our items keeps his head tilted down, doing his best not to laugh along with us. He finally scans our wine bottle and asks to see some ID. Hailey takes out her driver’s license and hands it to the man. He gives it a quick once-over and hands it back to Hailey. Our total was slightly less than $100. I reach into my purse for my wallet but Hailey stops me.

“It’s on me.”

I let Hailey take this one for me. You can’t get in the way of this girl and spending money. Hailey was a really successful business woman. She ran a chain of boutiques; she filled them with clothes designed by our good friend Penelope. She was off in Milan for the time being but she would be coming in to town for fashion week soon.

Not only was Hailey a great business woman but she was an amazing sales woman. She could sell anything to anyone. She once bought this man’s car and sold it back to his wife for almost twice the price.

I load the bags into the cart and walk hand in hand out of the store with my best friend. We load the bags into the trunk of her little blue convertible and begin the drive back to my apartment.

“Were going to make a quick stop before we head back to your place,” Hailey says, focusing on the busy streets.

“Where are we going?”

“I’m gonna need to pick up a few things,” she says as she turns the corner to her apartment. “Just wait here I’ll be right back.”

Step Two: Find Your Friends

I close the book and lunge across the bed and grab the cordless phone. I look at the caller ID and its Hailey; she’s been my best friend since high school. She was a Junior when I was a Freshman, but we had managed to stay friends even when she went off to college and left me stuck in high school. She was a business major and ran a boutique.

“Hi Hailey,” I said, trying to sound perky like nothing was wrong.

“Hey Peyton! You want to meet up for lunch tomorrow at The Skyline?” She asks her voice naturally happy; she had nothing to worry about. She was married and didn’t have to worry about getting her heart broken.

“Yeah, I’ll meet you there at 12:00 okay?”

“Sounds good see you there!”

I hung up the phone and wriggled under the covers. I placed my head onto the pillow, still wet form my tears and fell into a sorrowful sleep.

I woke up in the late hours of the morning. I walked slowly to the shower and turned it on. I took off my pajamas and stepped into the icy water hoping that the cold would numb the heartache. I got out of the shower, the warmth of my bathroom thawing my frozen skin. I wrapped a towel around myself suddenly feeling warmer. I quickly dried my hair, my body finally reaching a normal temperature. I dabbed on a little makeup and put on a simple outfit of jeans and a v-neck t-shirt. I grabbed my purse from my kitchen table and slipped on my Uggs on my way out the door.

I walked the three blocks to The Skyline diner and sent Hailey a quick text to let her know I was on my way. I arrived at the diner and pushed open the door the little bell ringing to greet me. I walked to the very back of the diner and slid into the booth that Hailey and I always seemed to occupy. I looked u and was met with the smiling, perky face of my best friend Hailey.

Her naturally dirty blond hair was highlighted with honey colored streaks and her unique blue-brown eyes twinkled. She was wearing a long sequined shirt, over a pair of black leggings.

“Peyton what’s wrong?” She asked, the smile fading from her face.

“Last night, I felt that pain again; if I didn’t break Jordan’s heart then he was going to break mine.”

“No!” Her voice shocked as she gave me a pitiful look. Hailey really cared about me but I think she was tired of me going through guys like water.

I nodded, whipping away a tear that has escaped my eyes.

“Peyton, you have to stop doing this to yourself. Just because Devon broke your heart doesn’t mean every guy that comes along will. Some day you’re gonna have to let someone in to your heart. If they truly love you then your flaws wont matter.”

“Hailey, your happily married, you have a beautiful son and a great husband. You don’t have to worry about your heart being broken.”

“Yes I do, marriage isn’t set in stone. People get divorced all the time. Heartbreak is pretty much inevitable.”

“Hail, you’re supposed to be making me feel better.” I said slightly sarcastically, but also a little heartbroken. If Hailey thought that heartbreak was inevitable, then why believe in love at all?

“I will, let’s go!” She grabs my wrist and pulls me out the door, the bell ringing as we leave. She runs to the curb and pushes me into her car. She runs around to the driver’s side and pulls away from the curb ad begins to drive to God knows where.

“Hail, what are you planning?” I ask, looking at her profile. Her eyes focused on the busy New York streets.

“You are going to change, and I’m going to help you. You need to stop going through guys like this, it’s not good for you.”

“Um…” I stare at her as she pulls up to a stop light, she looks back at me and raises an eyebrow. I had a feeling everything was going to be just fine.

“Just go with it, I bet you will have a fiancé in the next two years.” She says cockily as she begins to drive another block, hitting almost 80 in hopes of getting through the next light.

I can see my eyes light up in the rear view mirror; everything I have always wanted in life was marriage. I wanted a husband, to be a wife, a mother, to be like Hailey; more than anything. Hailey pokes me in the rib which pulls me out of my own thoughts.

Step One: Write a Song

“DJ’s got us fallin’ in love again…” I dance to the familiar beat and think that the universe is trying to tell me something. Jordon and I had been dating for a few months now and things couldn’t be better.

Then the song changes and the lights dim. I feel a slight pain in my stomach, but ignore it as I slowly sink into the embrace of Jordon’s protective arms. We dance slowly, Jordon rocks me back and forth. I feel my head fall onto his strong chest and close my eyes, wanting to absorb everything in this perfect moment. I feel his eyes on me and I lift my head to meet them. He removes his hand from my waist and brings it to my chin, he lifts my head and our lips touch in a perfect kiss. But the moment is broken when I am overcome with pain, a familiar pain, the pain of heartbreak.

My sixth sense has kicked in. If I didn’t get out soon Jordon would break my heart. I pull myself away, trying to send Jordan an apologetic look as I run out the door. I feel like a dam about to burst, holding back all the tears. I run into my car and I explode, the tears just come flowing from my eyes. Soon the pain in my stomach subsides but the tears keep falling. It feels like hours before I suck back my tears. I look at myself in the rearview mirror, my eyes are puffy and my cheeks are black from my mascara. I do my best to clean up before I hear a slight knock on my window.

“Peyton, Peyton, are you okay?” I give my eyes a final wipe and look through my car window at Jordon. His face filled with concern. I know what I have to do, I shake my head.

“No Jordon, I’m not okay. I’m not a kid any more. I can’t waste any more time on you. I’m sorry… it’s over.” I put my keys into the ignition and speed through the busy street of New York back to my apartment. I punch in my key code blindly, tears obscuring my vision yet again. I run through my door, through my living room and finally into my bedroom and onto my bed.

I grab my crappy mascara and eyeliner stained pillow, each stain from a different heartbreak. I kick off my high heels and cry into the pillow until there are no tears left to cry. I get up and walk over to my antique oak dresser, I open one of the drawers and pull out an over-sized t-shirt and flannel pajama pants. I change out of my black halter dress and into the pajamas.

I walk slowly into my bathroom and douse my face with cold water. Washing away the little makeup left on my face and cooling my hot cheeks. I take my brush and comb out the curls from my naturally straight strawberry blond hair.

I walk out of the bathroom and hop back onto my king sized bed, covered in a pattern of large purple flowers. I crawl to the other side and open the drawer of one of my oak end tables, they came with my dresser. I pull out a composition book, a pen, and my TV remote. I turn on a One Tree Hill re-run and open my note book. I flip through the abused, tear stained pages, I skim each of them as they pass buy. Devon, Aaron, Bradley, Hunter, Mark, Daniel, Shawn, many, many names to match my many heartbreaks.

I naturally drown out the noise and write ‘Jordan’ in big bubble letters at the top of the page. Soon enough the words flow from my mind onto the page.

I could feel myself falling,

falling in love with you.

But I could also feel

that you didn’t love me too.

The way you looked at me,

the way you made me feel,

couldn’t help this broken girl,

couldn’t help her heal.

This broken heart, gives me pain

but I now know that you and I have nothing else to gain….

Gaaaaaaain, gaaaaaain….

(Instrumental)

But I will remember,

The times we shared.

I think you should know that I will always care about you….

Yoooooooou…. Yoooouuuu… Ooooo

To keep me safe….

I can only see.

That the way to protect my heart

Was ending you and me…

You and me….

Meeeeeeeeee….

Meeeeeeeeee…

I was brought back to the real world by the sound of a phone ringing. I give the song one last look; knowing that this meant Jordan and I were officially over and that I had escaped one more heartbreak.