Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Step One: Write a Song

“DJ’s got us fallin’ in love again…” I dance to the familiar beat and think that the universe is trying to tell me something. Jordon and I had been dating for a few months now and things couldn’t be better.

Then the song changes and the lights dim. I feel a slight pain in my stomach, but ignore it as I slowly sink into the embrace of Jordon’s protective arms. We dance slowly, Jordon rocks me back and forth. I feel my head fall onto his strong chest and close my eyes, wanting to absorb everything in this perfect moment. I feel his eyes on me and I lift my head to meet them. He removes his hand from my waist and brings it to my chin, he lifts my head and our lips touch in a perfect kiss. But the moment is broken when I am overcome with pain, a familiar pain, the pain of heartbreak.

My sixth sense has kicked in. If I didn’t get out soon Jordon would break my heart. I pull myself away, trying to send Jordan an apologetic look as I run out the door. I feel like a dam about to burst, holding back all the tears. I run into my car and I explode, the tears just come flowing from my eyes. Soon the pain in my stomach subsides but the tears keep falling. It feels like hours before I suck back my tears. I look at myself in the rearview mirror, my eyes are puffy and my cheeks are black from my mascara. I do my best to clean up before I hear a slight knock on my window.

“Peyton, Peyton, are you okay?” I give my eyes a final wipe and look through my car window at Jordon. His face filled with concern. I know what I have to do, I shake my head.

“No Jordon, I’m not okay. I’m not a kid any more. I can’t waste any more time on you. I’m sorry… it’s over.” I put my keys into the ignition and speed through the busy street of New York back to my apartment. I punch in my key code blindly, tears obscuring my vision yet again. I run through my door, through my living room and finally into my bedroom and onto my bed.

I grab my crappy mascara and eyeliner stained pillow, each stain from a different heartbreak. I kick off my high heels and cry into the pillow until there are no tears left to cry. I get up and walk over to my antique oak dresser, I open one of the drawers and pull out an over-sized t-shirt and flannel pajama pants. I change out of my black halter dress and into the pajamas.

I walk slowly into my bathroom and douse my face with cold water. Washing away the little makeup left on my face and cooling my hot cheeks. I take my brush and comb out the curls from my naturally straight strawberry blond hair.

I walk out of the bathroom and hop back onto my king sized bed, covered in a pattern of large purple flowers. I crawl to the other side and open the drawer of one of my oak end tables, they came with my dresser. I pull out a composition book, a pen, and my TV remote. I turn on a One Tree Hill re-run and open my note book. I flip through the abused, tear stained pages, I skim each of them as they pass buy. Devon, Aaron, Bradley, Hunter, Mark, Daniel, Shawn, many, many names to match my many heartbreaks.

I naturally drown out the noise and write ‘Jordan’ in big bubble letters at the top of the page. Soon enough the words flow from my mind onto the page.

I could feel myself falling,

falling in love with you.

But I could also feel

that you didn’t love me too.

The way you looked at me,

the way you made me feel,

couldn’t help this broken girl,

couldn’t help her heal.

This broken heart, gives me pain

but I now know that you and I have nothing else to gain….

Gaaaaaaain, gaaaaaain….


But I will remember,

The times we shared.

I think you should know that I will always care about you….

Yoooooooou…. Yoooouuuu… Ooooo

To keep me safe….

I can only see.

That the way to protect my heart

Was ending you and me…

You and me….



I was brought back to the real world by the sound of a phone ringing. I give the song one last look; knowing that this meant Jordan and I were officially over and that I had escaped one more heartbreak.

No comments:

Post a Comment